a few words on my father

I would like to say few words about my father.  Before I do though, I wanted to express my deepest thanks to all of you for your support during this difficult time and though this has been so important in the past few days, I also don’t want to lose sight of the fact that this support has been ongoing for us.  I have lost track of the countless hours that people have spent keeping my dad company in the hospital both here in Sault Ste. Marie and in Toronto.  The countless hours spent giving support to my mother, my brother and I. 
I know my father appreciated it and so do I. 

When my father’s condition was worsening, a friend of mine who could see worry on my face said, “Your father is a great man.”

I was confused because this person had never met my dad so I said, “You don’t even know my father.”

He smiled and said, “I know you and so I know the kind of man your father was.”

And that is really what I’d like to spend a few minutes sharing with you.  I had originally wanted to share some stories about my dad when I started writing this but I will leave that for us to share with each other through today and in the days to come.  I have reflected a great deal in the last weeks and especially in the past couple of days about what I feel was my father’s greatest gift to me. 

My father was a teacher. 

Not a teacher in the sense that he lectured me on life, nor did he spout profound words of worldly wisdom.  He never wrote any books or taught in any universities.  He was the teacher of the greatest kind because he taught me through his actions, by who he was. 

Who my dad was taught me important aspects of character, like being honest, sincere and carrying.  His life taught me things like working hard, working without complaint.  Getting the job done.  He instilled in me a sense of enjoying simple things, like laughing at the Three Stooges.  These things and many more my dad taught me all my life. 

Then he got sick and I witnessed one of the most incredible things.  Somehow, my dad became a stronger person, and the lessons he taught me deepened in ways that I can’t completely articulate.  I saw a strength in my father that I never knew was there.  While sick over the years as I would spend time with dad in the hospital I never once in all that time heard him complain for himself.  He never complained “why me?” 

While I would some days go home and curse doctors, and hospitals and bad luck, my father’s attitude reminded me of his old lesson - work hard, work without complaint.  Get the job done.

In the last year as dad lay day in and day out in the hospital I realized that while all of us were visiting him to give him comfort, in fact, he was teaching us.  I have over the past few days heard many of you repeat many important lessons my father taught us through his attitude, through his actions, through his words. 

He was the one who was sick but he showed us how important it was to be kind in the simplest of ways when he would thank a nurse for bringing him fresh water. 

He was the one who was sick but he showed us how to deal with adversity by realizing that no matter how bad it seems, there are others worse off and that we should count our blessings no matter how hard they might be to recognize. 

He was the one who was sick but he showed us how to deal with despair not by giving up but by having a sense of humor.

He was the one who was sick and needed help, but he helped me realize the importance of each other, of all of us being together - and he did that by drawing us, the people in this room,  together at his bed side. 

And that is when I realized how great dad was.  I realized that someone who didn’t know my dad would think he was an ordinary man who lived an ordinary life. 

But I look out at all of you, those of you who loved my father.  The way he lived his life has kept you all close to him.  You are his greatest treasures.  What more could a man ask for?  

Like you I have voiced the same question:  Why?  Why Mike?  Why my dad?  I think I may never know the answer, but I’d like to think that whatever the reason, my father turned his illness and his death into the greatest lesson he could have left us.  The greatest gift he could have left me.  While this family is together, building life, laughing and loving, then my father is always with us in spirit.  I believe my father is looking down on us now hoping that we keep that lesson in mind.

I would like to leave off this morning with a parting thought, a parting story.  It is something I do now with my own kids.  One time when I was a little boy, I was crying for some reason and my father said to me gently  “Mikey, don’t cry.  Stop crying.  Save your tears for something important, like when somebody dies.”  And so pa, it is this day, that we will grieve for our loss.  Today we will cry.  

But rest assured that when tomorrow comes we will not shed tears.  Instead we will remember you with the greatest of love, we will remember your many lessons with the greatest of joy. 

And though I am but a shadow of the man you were, I will gladly carry on your lessons until we one day meet again. 

May the Lord bless you and keep you; May the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you.  May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.

Comments

[Rachel Wesley]

I recently lose my father and was looking for inspirational thoughts online and just read your post / eulogy. I am so moved. Moved to tears. I am sorry for your lose, but through your words, you have moved me.
Thank You
Rachel